Respecting and accepting each other
This has been an interesting week … at every turn the issue of respecting and accepting the other kept coming up until all sort of erupted today. It’s been one of those weeks, months really where these items keep coming back up and it’s a matter of what it means, I suppose … as much as how we deal with these.
So, let me ask you this: what does respecting and accepting another mean to you?
- Does it mean you respect the other and accept those aspects of the other that you like while being upset about those you don’t like?
- Does it mean you respect the other and accept those aspects you like but try to change other aspects, maybe even impose on the other?
- Does it mean you respect the other and accept them whether you agree or not?
- What does it mean?
To me it means the latter, plus not trying to impose any of my preferences on them. I may ask them or try to see if I could convince them but if they don’t want to I let it be. For example, I like my privacy. I’m not saying I keep secrets but I like my privacy, I am a very private person, very introverted if you will (though I know for many that is hard to believe but please do believe me on this one). That said, what I mean is that I will go out of my way to get a message across that is important, yes but I don’t really enjoy being in the center of attention. The best example may be birthday celebrations. I enjoy them for others – enormously so! I know many people enjoy being celebrated and everyone deserves it so if I have permission I will help in throwing a party, in organizing something special and all that. I actually like to think I try to show people how special they are every day … to me that is important.
But … I hope you noticed my insistence on “permission” – I don’t do anything unless the other is o.k. with it. I don’t want to impose my ways on someone else, because they may not work for them. To come to an end with this example, I always ask people to not have a party for me on my birthday (or any other holiday for that matter). Why? Because I’d rather not be in the center of attention and really, my mother here on earth gave birth to me so she did all the work .. I’m just here to do what I came here to do and I work on that every day. I do appreciate the recognition, knowing that someone cares – don’t get me wrong, that is human and I enjoy it as much as the next person. It’s just that I prefer to have that care shown to me in ways that I can deal with it. So if you respect and accept me, I think you may give me a card or call me or something like that on my birthday but you will not insist on a lavish party (don’t get me started on surprise parties) or anything of that nature. That to me is you showing me your love for me.
Oh and some of my dear friends, family and soul family get that and I am blessed having them in my life. For example the baby shower my soul sister organized…. I appreciated the thought and effort but I asked for it to be as low key and as much me as possible and: she did it!! She loves me so much that she understood, respected, accepted and shared her love and excitement in a compromise way that both of us could enjoy. That to me is love, respect and acceptance. She didn’t push the U.S. way or any other way on me but made it a very pleasurable and fun experience. That was amazing – a truly blissful gift.
Another example would be a great friend and mentor of mine, physically speaking my age I think but she just celebrated her 5th birthday – 5 years since she’s been given a name that resonates with her inner core and truly reflects her. Everyone in the circle could have argued with her …. But instead there was a wonderfully, loving celebration of all she is and offers to the world and humanity – every day. No one questioned that … that’s respect, that’s acceptance, that’s love, no???
Yet, as I started out many people seem to be less able of giving love or sharing their respect for another that way. Often it appears that many are stuck in their belief systems and want to share it in their ways with others …. At whatever cost, even if it means showing a lack of respect, a lack of acceptance, and thus a lack of true love for the other.
And this just slowly began to raise finally erupting today, leading to me to ask these questions….
- How often do I need to ask you to keep something private ….
- How often do I need to ask you to not share my pirvate life with everyone else…
- How often do I need to tell you I do not like celebrations in my name or for me…
- How often do I need to ask you to please stop sharing information, to please not ask me to do things your way, to please not force me into situations that I am uncomfortable with…
for you to honor my request?
How come you ask me to do things your way so you’re comfortable but you cannot meet me half-way or all the way when it comes to me being me?
It is almost sad that it is so difficult for many to remain open to the possibility that another person may have different preferences, may really not enjoy things the way many do and that it’s not a show or an act. Why not ask the simple question before assuming that I do want my life details to be shared widely, the simple question of “do you mind” or “are you sure you’d like to keep it private and are not just trying to be humble?” These seem easy enough to consider but … that means you consider my views, my beliefs, my wishes… it means you respect me enough to accept me just the way that I am …
I believe that we are all perfect, we are all growing constantly, we are all exactly where we need to be at any point in time … I trust that… so I know that those who are not considering my wishes do not mean harm… yet, it becomes a task to always respect and accept the actions of another when they cannot reciprocate…. Why is it so difficult to let me be me… as weird as I may be … I like myself … will you please just accept that and respect me?
I will be so grateful once you do as that also means you have shed your fears of that which you do not know or understand.
Maybe we can work on that together?
Peace & Love, N
